Single Mom (Temporarily)

Cooper is just a week shy of 10 months old, and where in the world has the time gone? So hard to believe that he will be a year old soon. Let’s see, what’s new with the Super Coop? Well, he now has 6 teeth and I think that some new ones in the back are painfully trying to break through. He is crawling (more like an army crawl than hands and knees), but he seems to be content with this style of transportation and I imagine that he will stick with this until he is walking. He can also pull himself up to standing now and can clumsily “cruise” from side to side holding on to objects. Of course, his judgment of what is sturdy and what is not has yet to develop, so this month has been plagued with many bruises, most of which unfortunately seem to end up on the face as he comes crashing down face first. These loud thuds are usually followed with a good cry and then a smile and laugh are soon to follow that. I think we run through about 492 mood swings in a day. He is also becoming more curious and determined by the day. Our pediatrician told me that he is “the most inquisitive 9 month old” she has ever seen. I swear those were her words. Of course, that made ol’ mom proud as can be, but the reality of it is a game called distraction, distraction, distraction. Whoever decided it was a great idea to place paper on the exam table in a doctor’s office and then leave a mother in there alone for an hour with a 9 month old should be shot . . . or tortured to insanity by being stuck in there for an hour with said 9 month old. All jokes aside, as exhausting as it can be to constantly be on watch and play keep away, it is just fascinating to see these little brains developing before your very eyes.

I now have a newfound, deep and sincere respect for single moms out there. How in the world they do what they do, keep such a brave face, and not throw in the towel I will never know. Peter has been gone (first to London and now in Germany for his new job) for a little over 2 weeks, and will be back in another week. I am so lonely, exhausted, overwhelmed, etc., I could just melt away. This is really hard. Every dirty diaper, every spoonful of food, every chunky spitup, every piece of crusty laundry, every tear to dry, every snotty nose to wipe, every bath, every bottle to prepare, every morning to wake up at 5:30, every toy to pick up, every item to carry, every outfit to dress, is all on me. There is no backup around, and there is no one to take over when I have a headache. There is no one to go to the grocery store or pick up food when the baby is finally asleep and I realize there isn’t a scrap of decent food in the house. Yet no matter how heavy the load feels, you do your best to give 100% to that little one who doesn’t know that you have had a rough day and who looks to you with their toothy smile or with tears waiting for you to make everything better. And tonight when Cooper has what I presume to be the 4th ear infection, a garden hose for a nose, more teeth coming in, and can’t stop screaming long enough to let me squeeze in a quick dose of Tylenol, it is all I can do not to cry right along with him. And then when he is all clean, after a warm bottle and cozy pajamas, and when that Tylenol is starting to take effect, and he is once again peacefully sleeping in my arms, I am reminded of how blessed I am with this priceless gift. That this beautiful boy came out of my body (I still have the love handles and hips to prove it) astounds me, and my heart aches with love to look at him.

While I have experienced what it is like to be a single mom for a couple of weeks, I still will never know how hard it really must be for them. Because, the truth is that I still know that I have a partner, I have backup. I have a loving husband who misses me just as much as I miss him and who can’t wait to be here helping me. I know that I am not really alone and that this is only temporary. So, I have no idea where the real single moms get the strength that they have and I hope that they know that God is with them in their darkest moments and I am sure that He has a special place just for them.

And as for my partner. Peter, I love you and I miss you and can’t wait till you are home. I am so proud of you.