Memories of Mom

It's coming up on the 4th anniversary since my mom passed away. I can't believe it has been so long, and all that has happened in our lives since her death. In the past few weeks, I have had a strange thought pop into my head. I will be going about my normal day at home, and all of a sudden, I think, Oh, I need to call mom. I haven't talked to her in a while. Then realization sets in immediately and I continue on my day. Time does dull the pain, but the sting is still there nonetheless.

As Cooper grows and develops, I find myself more and more wondering what my mother did with my brother and I as we went through these same phases, how she felt, what she remembers about us, what she and my father did. It isn't until you have your own kids that you really want to learn what you yourself was like during those young years. I wish so much to seek her council and thoughts. And when I have struggles or hard days with Cooper, deep down I know that the only person who could trully say the right thing to make me feel better would be her. She wouldn't downplay my fears and she would nurture me the way I need to be nurtured. Isn't that the gift of a mother? And as time goes by I learn more and more that we are never too old to need our mommy.

My mother was the hardest worker I have ever known, which she probably learned from her mother. She had all the qualities of a super independent woman, but deep down she really needed and depended on the love of her husband, which she probably also got from her mother. My mother and father were both great parents who loved us unquestionably and spoiled us more than they probably should have. Her purse always smelled of Big Red chewing gum and she never left the house without full makeup, fixed hair, and perfectly accessorized outfit. I used to go into her closet while she was at work and try on her clothes, jewelry and perfume. I remember many Friday nights that we laid in her bed watching TV together (she in one of her infamous robes) and she would tickle my arms with her perfectly manicured nails. She was the best shopping partner ever, and still to this day I hate shopping because I don't have her. Every gift she gave was made extra special because she would take so much time making the wrapping look absolutely spectacular.

She was sensitive, caring, and thoughtful. She would bend over backwards to make people happy. She would work long days and then spend hours helping me when I needed it, sometimes all night even after I went to sleep. She was an amazing mom. I hope I can be the same for Cooper.

What I wouldn't give to be able to call her and tell her all that she has missed in the last 4 years. What I wouldn't give to be able to tell her how wonderful, special, and amazing she really was. I wish I had done it then. She sure deserved it.