Feeling of the Day

The feeling of the day is . . . . deflated.


Maybe I should call it the feeling of the hour, since my feelings seem to be all over the board at the moment. We finished up at the Vogtareuth clinic on Tuesday. The doctor was great, and we were also joined by one of the therapists (Cooper's favorite one as a matter of fact) for a very lengthy discussion about the results and next steps. And in the end, I just feel deflated.


Wishing things were different. Wishing I didn't feel guilty for wishing that. Wishing I knew all the answers. Wishing I didn't have to ask these questions in the first place. Wishing my German were better so that I could do a better job fighting for Cooper. Wishing I had done more things before now. Wishing my mom were here and that I had some other close people around. Wishing that instead of being so deflated trying to catch tears, I was tackling all the ways that I can be helping Cooper. Wishing I could see into the future.


My head is so full trying to process everything at the moment that I feel like the image you see looking into a funhouse mirror where your forehead is all stretched. I think that Peter and I are both exhausted at the moment, and the irony is that we are only at the beginning of this journey.


We have a long list of things to do now that will take up a lot of our time, and with only 9 weeks (9 WEEKS!!) to go before the next member of our family arrives and Peter's work as busy as ever, there is no time to waste and no rest for the weary. I'll update later with more specific details about the results, but for now we just need time to process and time to figure out what is best for Cooper and for our family.


I am praying for lifted spirits, renewed energy and perserverance for Peter and I, and that things fall into place quickly. And in the midst thanking God for the constant (albeit sometimes painful) reminder through rolls, stretches, and kicks that a healthy baby continues to grow in my belly.