My First Mother's Day

Well, we have officially passed the three month mark. My cousin and main source of advice on child rearing has told me several times that everything just gets easier after three months. That certainly seems to be the magic mark, because here we are and Cooper is an absolute delight and everything seems so much easier. Cooper is so much more content to sit in his bouncy seat or lay in his crib. He is noticing things and gets very excited watching his mobile in his crib, or the dangling bugs on his car seat. But the most entertaining commodity seems to be ceiling fans! He can watch a ceiling fan and squeal in delight, and it never seems to lose its appeal to him. He is cooing more, and we can sometimes carry on little “conversations”. He loves to get his arms and legs pumping, which makes diaper changing practically a sporting event.

Cooper loves bath time. I was bathing him in his baby bathtub in the kitchen sink, but now that he has more control of those arms and legs, we have had to move into the guest bathtub because all the splashing was starting to make a huge mess and mommy would end up totally drenched from the chest down. Of course, I love bath time because sleep comes super easy after a bath, lotion, clean diaper, and a bottle. He can’t even stay awake to read a book! Plus, he smells delicious and I could sit and rock and inhale those sweet scents forever.

Peter has been working on the webcam, so that should be up soon. We have decided to only put it over his crib, so that we can check on him while sleeping to make sure he is OK. Also, this might decrease the possibility of Cooper’s mommy or daddy showing up on the internet without adequate clothing.

The Laryngomalacia and reflux are getting better. Cooper’s medicines are adjusted as he gains weight. One major side effect of the meds was constipation, which we have been dealing with for the last month. Finally the pediatrician suggested switching the rice cereal to oatmeal, and that has made a world of difference. Watch out world, here comes the big messy poopies!

Cooper is sleeping great!!!! We are so thankful for that. He goes down between 7:30 and 8:30 most nights. He will sometimes stir around 4:00, but a quick placement of the pacifier, putting him back on his side and pulling the cover back up does the trick with no fuss. Then he is usually ready to wake up and eat at 6:00. We certainly can’t complain at 10 ½ hours.

Now, for the highlight of the month – Mother’s Day. I didn’t expect much going into Mother’s Day. After all, Cooper doesn’t have a clue yet and I’ve never been on the receiving end of Mother’s Day before. Peter had already bought me some pool lounge chairs a couple of weeks prior, so I was pleasantly surprised when I went downstairs and found some flowers and cards for me (one from Peter and one from Cooper). Then we were off to church, and all the mothers at church were presented with a carnation and there was just something about Sunday School and the church service that made me feel so special. I finally understood what Mother’s Day is really about, and I have to say that I might even prefer Mother’s Day over my birthday. A birthday is something that everyone has, and doesn’t celebrate any great accomplishment. But Mother’s Day celebrates a role, a job, and recognizes all the sacrifices that a mother makes. Truth be told, once you are a mother, there isn’t much that you do solely for yourself. I feel like everything I do is driven by this force within me that wants to accommodate Cooper, make him happy, comfortable, and safe. It doesn’t feel like a sacrifice most of the time; in fact, there is nothing that I would rather do more. There was also a special feeling of camaraderie with all the other mothers that I know. We know that our husbands and children don’t really understand our role and everything we do, but the other mothers do. I felt a welcoming into this “club” and a huge sense of pride being a mom.

Nicole Johnson is an author and speaker at Women of Faith conferences. There are two performances that I have seen on video now in our Sunday School class. One is called “Motherhood” and the other is called “The Invisible Woman”. Both of these really touched me in a way that only a mother can understand. The first one, Motherhood, talks about how difficult it can be caring for an infant. How you can be home all day and get absolutely nothing done, the house is still a mess, the laundry is piling up, you haven’t sat down all day, and then your husband asks, “What have you been doing all day?”. You talk to other moms about the challenges, and many experienced moms say, “It’s hard, but it’s worth it!” in an all too chipper and light hearted tone, and you want to strangle them for being so darn pleasant! But, even now, when I listen to new moms and hear the same challenges that I have already faced and am still facing, the only thing that comes to mind to tell them is, “It’s hard, but it’s worth it.” And that is the simple truth, understated though it may be.

The other story of The Invisible Woman has a subtitle “When Only God Sees”. It describes a woman who feels invisible, and I could completely relate. I often joke with Peter about how his underwear “magically appears” in his drawers again all clean. The dishes all magically get washed and placed back in the cabinets. Somehow there is always a plan for dinner, all the ingredients seem to show up in the pantry, and a warm meal comes out of thin air and lands on the table. No one sees all of the things that I do for Cooper. For some reason, I have to make sure that all of the clothes are faced the same way in Cooper’s closets, and all of his onesies are folded in the same way. The diapers are neatly lined up in the drawer and his sheets and changing table are always clean. Cooper is carefully bathed and no fold or crease in the skin is left soiled. I do feel invisible. In fact, often times when I speak to Peter, he doesn’t even respond. I must be invisible! When Cooper gets older, he won’t even begin to realize everything I do for him. I hope to create wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions in our house, that will probably involve hours of preparation, waking up every few hours to baste a turkey, making sure the house is clean, and ensuring that each person’s favorite item is perfectly prepared whether it is potatoes, macaroni and cheese, a special cake or dessert - it will all be represented. No one will know all the trouble I have gone to, but God does see and He will always know. Like Nicole Johnson states, I don’t need my family to tell me that they are glad that I made the turkey, potatoes, macaroni and cheese, their favorite cake, put clean sheets on the bed, vacuumed the house, ironed the table cloth, polished the crystal, blah, blah, blah. I just want them to want to be there, and believe that there is no better place on Earth that they would rather be. For Cooper to invite a friend, and say, “You are going to love it at my house.”

Missing Mom and Pondering Motherhood

A baby definitely puts a new twist on a marriage. Especially for two people that have been alone together for over 8 years. I just can't seem to loosen up, and I am definitely not the same person I was before baby. I don't know how this couldn't change a person. It is just such a huge, overwhelming responsibility. This isn't a house plant, or even a dog. This is a human being, and I can't help but feel that every single encounter I have with him is going to shape who he is going to be and also his perception of me.

In the middle of all the stress and chaos is an amazing little boy. A beautiful mixture of myself and Peter, who is so innocent and untainted by the world. It sounds so cliché, but he is so pure. From the moment he was born and he cried when he came out, he was instantly soothed the second he was placed in my arms. It has been that way ever since. No matter what is going on, he is just happy to be in my arms. He looks at me and Peter and smiles and just thinks that we are the most important, greatest things in the world. I want for him to learn important things like love, giving, kindness, comfort, friendship and family from me. And it is heartbreaking to know that he will also at some point learn disappointment, anger, and hurt from me. I will disappoint him countless times in his life.

Sitting in church this past Sunday, I suddenly understood a tiny bit what my mom must have felt towards the end of her life. I want Cooper and Peter to want and need me so badly. I like to think that they wouldn't function or survive without me, but I know that is simply not the case. How horrible it must be not only to feel that your children and husband don't need you anymore, but even worse, that their lives would be better without you. I'll never understand exactly why my mom did what she did. When it all happened I couldn't understand why she didn't love me enough to stay. Why she didn't think that seeing her grandchildren would be reason enough to endure all the hardships. I still feel that way, but now I also know that I would be willing to die if it meant that Cooper's life would be better.

Dude, what a downer of a blog!

Laryno-ma-what?

We are now at 9 weeks. Have I said that time flies? What did we ever do in our spare time? Peter’s parents left yesterday, and now we have word that Peter’s sister Christina might be able to come in August. Let’s keep our fingers crossed cause we would love for her to see her little nephew while he is still little. I know that every parent says this, but Cooper seems to grow and change by the day. He has totally lost the newborn look, and looks like an infant now. We had a second x-ray last week, which showed that he is, indeed, aspirating. We are now thickening his formula, and are just starting to get a few extra hours of sleep at night. Last night he ate at 6:00 pm, went to bed at 7:20, and we didn’t hear a peep until between 1 and 2 am. Then he ate again at 5:30. It is now 8:30 and I think I hear him right now waking up. Not a bad night! But back to the x-ray. We now are being referred to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor because it is suspected that Cooper has Laryngomalacia. Basically he has a weak or floppy epiglottis, and so his trachea doesn’t get blocked off properly while he is eating and the airways themselves are kind of loose and floppy as well so they collapse in as he breathes in. Kind of scary, but Cooper is a trooper, and he is just as delightful as ever!

A Visit from Opa and Oma Claus

Our little man has made it to 2 months, and we are all still alive. We found out that the throw-up episode in the aforementioned blog (which came out of the mouth and the nose with great force) would soon be followed with many more similar episodes along with scary moments where Cooper would have difficulties breathing (typically during and just after eating) and even stop breathing for a few seconds at a time. Thoughts of allergies, asthma (since it is full force pollen season), and what would happen if he were allergic to Kayla (our first four-legged child) were racing through our heads. When described to the Pediatrician, she suspected reflux. An x-ray proved her correct and confirmed that our dude has severe reflux. Who knew that it takes 4 adults to hold down one tiny baby under an x-ray camera. So, Cooper gets his first medicine for his severe reflux. We’ve seen a small amount of improvement, but he is still having a lot of the same problems. Another x-ray on Tuesday of this coming week will show if he is aspirating into his lungs.

Other developments this month are increased support of his head which means that he can hold his head up in the car. This is, of course, thanks to the exercises that his mommy does with him everyday. And the best development of all, his first true smiles. The first ones occurred at about 6 ½ weeks. I had been trying for already a couple of weeks to get a smile out of him, and one morning just after a 6 AM feeding, he just cracked one on me and I just melted. I didn’t see another smile at me for about a week later, but he did give his dad a few grins in the meantime. Now at 8 weeks, we can typically get a few smiles a day at times when he is in a good mood. It’s a beautiful thing!

But the major updates are that Cooper’s Opa Wolfram and Oma Inge are here from Germany. They got their first look at Cooper after a long plane ride and it was a joy watching them hold their grandson for the first time. They have been here for 1 week so far and still will be here for another week. Cooper has graced them with several smiles this week in exchange for songs sung by Inge and some educational words from Wolfram. Oma and Opa brought lots of goodies, including some kisses and hugs from Peter’s sister, Christina, and Cooper’s first Lederhosen. Danke schoen!

A Hungry Man

Well, we have now managed to keep this guy alive for well over a month. I can’t believe how fast time is flying. We were forced to begin supplementing with formula since I was not producing quite enough food for Cooper on my own. After 3 ½ weeks, he let us know that he was just plain hungry. So, after exhausting all efforts and given the fact that our little man had only gained a few ounces since we left the hospital and was still nowhere near his birth weight, we knew it was time. I felt so guilty at the time and also felt some sort of failure. But our last doctor’s visit this week proved that we had made the right decision. Cooper weighed in at 8 lbs. 4 oz., an entire pound gain from last week. VICTORY! Now we are on to other stressors like finding some good childcare (such a depressing quest) and learning how to deal with our first major throw-up episode, which just so happened to occur in the car on the way to visit our first child care possibility. Way to go, Coop! You really know how to keep your mommy and papa on our toes! Not a moment’s rest around here, and I am learning to move at double the pace and master incredibly complex tasks one handed.

Top Ten List for Parents of a Newborn

We are now 3 weeks into parenthood, and finally finding a few moments to start our blog. This has been such a rollercoaster ride already, so I can’t imagine what the next years will be like. Where to start? I guess it would have to be the incredible moment of seeing, hearing, and holding your child for the first time . . . truly the most emotional moment of my life. After about 21 hours of labor, Cooper Joseph Claus entered the world and let us know that he was here with a hearty cry. Then immediately was quiet when he was placed in my arms. He knew me already! At 7 lbs. 13 oz., he proved us all wrong in thinking that we would have nothing less than a mammoth boy, and all fears of having an ugly baby and anything less than perfect were relieved. He is so beautiful and it is hard to believe that something so tiny can come from Peter and me. Bringing him home was quite terrifying, and I couldn’t help but say to Peter as we drove away from the hospital, “I can’t believe they let us leave with this thing. Don’t they know we have no idea what we are doing?” At 1 week, I proclaimed, “We’ve kept this guy alive for 7 whole days!” After 3 weeks, we are still trying to get the hang of breastfeeding, getting up at night, and constantly checking to make sure that our little guy is still breathing. Cooper has a way of wrinkling his forehead that makes him look like a wise old man, and I can’t help but think sometimes that he somehow knows that we have no idea what we are doing. But we do figure these things out, and he helps us out by being a really easy-going baby. Sleeps great (we wake him up in the night for feedings), cries only when he is hungry or wants to be held, and is easy to soothe.

What have I learned so far?

Amy’s top 10:
1. The boob solves just about anything, and if that doesn’t work, Mylicon and a warm blanket will likely do the trick.
2. The signature mommy move is the bounce. A baby just doesn’t like to be still.
3. Always be on guard when removing a little boy’s diaper. That fountain just always seems to find a way to squirt out!
4. Nothing is more delicious than the smell of a freshly bathed baby.
5. Nursing is the most rewarding and most stressful thing at the same time.
6. There’s no such thing as “sleep when the baby is sleeping.”
7. There is no room for modesty anymore when you have a newborn.
8. I love my husband dearly no matter what I may say, do, or think in this sleep deprived state! (And hopefully Peter has learned not to take anything from me personally right now!)
9. No one knows what a new mom needs and how to help more than another mother. (Brenda and Melissa, you are invaluable, and I couldn’t survive without you!)
10. I have the cutest baby in the world!