It's Been A While

It isn't that I haven't wanted to update the blog lately. I really want to keep you all informed and up to date on Cooper and Lilly. It's just that our world has kind of been thrown off its axis in the last several months. Our "norm" has changed.

It's amazing how quickly life can change and how fast the events that were once the scariest things we had ever faced have just become part of our daily lives.

Beeping monitors showing the rythmic waves of our little girl's heart and respiratory rate. Electrodes on a tiny chest. It's part of our new norm.

Autism forums with discussions of toxic metals, vitamin supplements, chelation, dietary infractions, and acronyms such as GFCFSFEF. By the way, Cooper is GFCF, soon to be SF. It used to be like learning a new language, and now that's our norm, too.

Numerous attempts at IV lines in tiny baby hands and on the head causing frantic screams and crocodile tears. It used to make my stomach seize up with worry, but not anymore. It's just another part of our new norm.

Hours spent researching therapies for autism and requesting funding from insurance, goverment, and other agencies to get the help that Cooper needs. It's frustrating, but that is the norm around here.

Emptying and replacing colostomy bags and having to give long explanations whenever we have to change a diaper in a public place. That is surprisingly the easiest of our new norm.

Just because these things have become our new norm, doesn't mean that they are getting any easier. Truth be told, our new norm is taking its toll on us. Peter says he feels like a mistreated dog, and I feel like I have aged 10 years. We've had hard times in the past, but this year seems to be the toughest we've had to weather yet. Even harder is the realization that there is no magic medicine and no amount of money that can just fix any of this. Our kids are only 3 months and 3 years old. We are merely at the beginning of this journey.

I have certainly had my moments of anger lately, feeling that none of this is fair. But, as often as possible, I am clinging to the hope that God has a bigger plan than I can see right now. I am hoping that He is somehow using this time in a way that will bring blessings and grace later. God knows we need it.