What Makes Me Happy

Do you know what makes me happy?

It's this guy, brushing his hair with the dog brush (at least it isn't the toilet brush this time).

And it's this guy "riding" this tractor . . . on the sofa.

And I wouldn't be truly happy without this handsome guy on the left who has been spending a lot more time with Cooper outside and coming home from work each evening to bathe and put Cooper to bed.

Pregnancy Update Week 39

Week 39. I didn't even go this long with Cooper (born at 38 weeks) so in my head I was really counting on it being the same with this baby. Official due date is one week from tomorrow. Baby is very low, but according to my doctor he thinks I may go another week yet although anything can happen at anytime. He started saying that when I get to 10 days past due date we would have to talk more, and I felt the urge to stick my fingers in my ears and hum loudly. I am not even going to think about 10 days past due date.



However, in the last 2 days I have cleaned bathrooms, scrubbed faucets with a toothbrush, mopped all the floors, dusted, washed all the bed linens, moved furniture, and washed every bit of dirty laundry in the house. Tonight is a full moon, so I am crossing my fingers that things will start moving along.





Here is a picture of the belly at 32 weeks.

We actually took a couple last night as well, but Peter's photography skills paired with a long day of cleaning, therapy, and playground results in photographic images that will never see the light of day. We'll try again later this week.



Overall this pregnancy has been pretty easy, given that I have other things to think about than being pregnant. Running after Cooper and carrying him has kept some of the pounds off. Well, that and the lack of my favorite restaurants that Augusta has to offer. At 39 weeks I have gained 30 pounds. Yes, that is a lot, however it is a full 20 pounds less than I gained with Cooper. I also don't have nearly the swollen feet/ankles that I had with Cooper. I can still wear shoes! And this baby kicks, elbows, pokes, and rolls much more than Cooper did. The best thing . . . no indigestion! (Knock on wood.)

Sure it all sounds rosy, but at the end of the day I am completely exhausted. And while carrying around Cooper may have helped with the weight gain, it also means that in addition to my extra 30 pounds, I am holding another 35 pounds in the front which makes 65 pounds. And I can feel it. My back aches, I have leg and hip cramps, I pee a minimum of 6 times at night, and I can't get comfortable. Ever.

Not much longer, right? Anytime now, right? Right?

GFCF (a.k.a. Starving the Claus Family)

We've done a lot of research in the last months on this whole GFCF (gluten/casein free) diet for kids with autism. Scientists and doctors are skeptical at best, but many parents of kids with Autism are convinced that this is the cure. I am hesitant to let myself believe that it could cure autism, however it is certainly worth a try. After all, it is just food.

What am I talking about? Just food? Food is the core of our family! It is one of our main joys in life!

We have been searching over the last month for good recipes that fit this diet. I was adamant from the beginning that if Cooper was going GFCF, then gosh darnit, our whole family would be GFCF. Well, one taste of gluten-free bread (which I could not even swallow) and my resolve faded. But Cooper ate it! Since then we have slowly found a handful of edible items. But to be honest, they are just that. Edible. Not delicious. Not mouthwatering. Not scrumptious. But tolerable. I have wavered between feeling 95% confident that we can handle this and feeling overwhelmed and frustrated at the lack of things I can find to feed this family. After all, I don't want to make it a habit to feed Cooper things that I wouldn't eat myself.

This isn't easy. I know that no one said it would be and life isn't easy. But man, this is tough. I just want to go about normal life, and this diet sure makes it hard. And out here in the Bavarian countryside, there are no shortcuts. There's no dairy free cheese substitute, there's no whole foods store with frozen GFCF chicken nuggets. There's no easy way out. Every meal is a strenuous decision. Every trip to the grocery store entails reading labels (in German) of every item, and 99% of the time replacing that item back on the shelf. I leave with a migraine and a nearly empty shopping cart. Every. Dang. Time.

And packing a lunch for Cooper's school? Like climbing a mountain.

And eating out? Impossible.

And picking up something quick when you are on the road or get stuck somewhere? Forget it.

I am feeling so much pressure right now to find stuff for our family to eat. To force feed things to Cooper that I don't enjoy eating either. There's no creamy sauces or yummy butter to hide veggies in anymore. Meals are a battle of will. And my will at the moment is weak. I want to cry at the end of every meal with Cooper. Is it the pregnancy hormones or trying to face the fact that our lives are being flipped upside down? Or is it all of the above mixed in with struggling with living in a foreign country? People keep telling me that we are such good parents and we are so strong. I can't decide if I should laugh in their face or scream and pull my hair out.

The bonus is that as you start this diet, kids go through withdrawal of the glutens and dairy and their behavior gets worse. This is exactly where we are at the moment. While the literature out there says that we should be encouraged by this, it is so hard to deal with. Cooper is unmanageable, unfocused, wild, clumsy, etc. etc. etc. He seems more autistic than ever. And we aren't even strict on this diet yet. We're just decreasing the bad stuff and trying new recipes.

But I wouldn't put Cooper through this and I wouldn't put Peter and I through this if I didn't think it could work. We will stick it out. We will figure it out. We will do everything we can. Because he is just so worth it. His kisses and smiles and hugs and sweet face are so worth it.

And if this diet is the way that I will:
. . . get to know what his voice sounds like when he has something to say
. . .and to find out what his thoughts are and what scares him
. . .and to hear what he will think of his new baby brother or sister
. . . and to have him tell me what his favorite cartoon really is rather than just guess
. . . and to learn if he likes gummy bears better than chocolate
. . . and to be able to know where it hurts
. . . and to hear him express in words that he loves his daddy and me
. . .and to get to know my little boy the way that a mommy should know her son

Well, if this diet could do all that . . . it doesn't matter how it tastes. That would leave me so much more satisfied than any great tasting meal ever could.b

Progress

We've had a lot to chew on in the last few months and a big list of things to do for Cooper. We are slowly making our way through them. As the English saying goes, the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Here is what we have been up to.

We have visited three possible schools for Cooper and he even got to particpate in two of them for a few hours, and have decided on one for Cooper to attend in the fall. We will go to an autism clinic in Munich this summer which will hopefully be able to provide some autism specific therapy. Also in the next months we are going to bump his regular therapy up to 3 times per week. We are going to start the GFCF diet soon after the baby is born(more on that in another post coming up).


I mentioned in a previous post that there is a special therapy that is somewhat new and has great results with autistic kids. This is called ABA (Applied Behavioural Analysis) Therapy. Peter and I attended a workshop this past weekend geared towards teaching Parents how to help their kids and introducing the basic principles of this therapy. It was an expensive workshop, but very much worth it. The therapy is fantastic and I can totally see Cooper responding really well to the techniques. Unfortunately, this therapy is not covered by the state or any insurance in Bavaria (other parts of Germany are starting to offer some coverage) and averaging at about 9,000 euro per year it is significantly more than we can afford right now. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to have finances stand in the way of getting potentially life changing treatment for your child. But I guess this is a situation that a lot of parents have to deal with.


In the meantime, we are going to appeal to the Bavarian government and our insurance company. It surely can't hurt and with other families in Bavaria currently attempting as well, the more people that request the more likely it will be covered in the future. We are already starting to implement some of the things we learned at the conference, but our attempts are clumsy at best with the little knowledge we have.

If you have actually read this far, I am really impressed and thankful. I would imagine this is all unexciting, boring stuff to most, but it is the center of our lives at the moment. Pray for us to continue to be perserverent in this fight to help Cooper. It's not cancer, but it is so real for us right now. Many parents lose their kids to terminal illnesses. Autism is not a terminal illness, but many parents "lose" their kids to autism in another way. We don't want that to happen to Cooper or our family. We feel lucky that Cooper is not on the severe side of the huge spectrum of Autism. Pray that God helps us to make the right decisions and that He would make the right therapies available to us. Finally, pray for families struggling with autism in general. The workshop we went to was sold out, packed full of parents and therapists who have it much worse than we do, all looking for answers and ways to bring their children back from whatever world they feel the need to escape to.


Thanks for following our journey.