Single Mom (Temporarily)

Cooper is just a week shy of 10 months old, and where in the world has the time gone? So hard to believe that he will be a year old soon. Let’s see, what’s new with the Super Coop? Well, he now has 6 teeth and I think that some new ones in the back are painfully trying to break through. He is crawling (more like an army crawl than hands and knees), but he seems to be content with this style of transportation and I imagine that he will stick with this until he is walking. He can also pull himself up to standing now and can clumsily “cruise” from side to side holding on to objects. Of course, his judgment of what is sturdy and what is not has yet to develop, so this month has been plagued with many bruises, most of which unfortunately seem to end up on the face as he comes crashing down face first. These loud thuds are usually followed with a good cry and then a smile and laugh are soon to follow that. I think we run through about 492 mood swings in a day. He is also becoming more curious and determined by the day. Our pediatrician told me that he is “the most inquisitive 9 month old” she has ever seen. I swear those were her words. Of course, that made ol’ mom proud as can be, but the reality of it is a game called distraction, distraction, distraction. Whoever decided it was a great idea to place paper on the exam table in a doctor’s office and then leave a mother in there alone for an hour with a 9 month old should be shot . . . or tortured to insanity by being stuck in there for an hour with said 9 month old. All jokes aside, as exhausting as it can be to constantly be on watch and play keep away, it is just fascinating to see these little brains developing before your very eyes.

I now have a newfound, deep and sincere respect for single moms out there. How in the world they do what they do, keep such a brave face, and not throw in the towel I will never know. Peter has been gone (first to London and now in Germany for his new job) for a little over 2 weeks, and will be back in another week. I am so lonely, exhausted, overwhelmed, etc., I could just melt away. This is really hard. Every dirty diaper, every spoonful of food, every chunky spitup, every piece of crusty laundry, every tear to dry, every snotty nose to wipe, every bath, every bottle to prepare, every morning to wake up at 5:30, every toy to pick up, every item to carry, every outfit to dress, is all on me. There is no backup around, and there is no one to take over when I have a headache. There is no one to go to the grocery store or pick up food when the baby is finally asleep and I realize there isn’t a scrap of decent food in the house. Yet no matter how heavy the load feels, you do your best to give 100% to that little one who doesn’t know that you have had a rough day and who looks to you with their toothy smile or with tears waiting for you to make everything better. And tonight when Cooper has what I presume to be the 4th ear infection, a garden hose for a nose, more teeth coming in, and can’t stop screaming long enough to let me squeeze in a quick dose of Tylenol, it is all I can do not to cry right along with him. And then when he is all clean, after a warm bottle and cozy pajamas, and when that Tylenol is starting to take effect, and he is once again peacefully sleeping in my arms, I am reminded of how blessed I am with this priceless gift. That this beautiful boy came out of my body (I still have the love handles and hips to prove it) astounds me, and my heart aches with love to look at him.

While I have experienced what it is like to be a single mom for a couple of weeks, I still will never know how hard it really must be for them. Because, the truth is that I still know that I have a partner, I have backup. I have a loving husband who misses me just as much as I miss him and who can’t wait to be here helping me. I know that I am not really alone and that this is only temporary. So, I have no idea where the real single moms get the strength that they have and I hope that they know that God is with them in their darkest moments and I am sure that He has a special place just for them.

And as for my partner. Peter, I love you and I miss you and can’t wait till you are home. I am so proud of you.

Be Careful What you Wish For, Cause You Just Might Get It

Changes are a comin’. Peter found out last week Tuesday that he got the job, and it will take us to Munich. We really have prayed that God would be in control of our destiny and that we would recognize where He wants us to go. So many doors seem to be opening for us that will lead us to Germany, and the only explanation is that this is where He wants us to go. I have to admit that the first discussion of moving to Germany, came with a definitive NO from me. I have not forgotten how hard it was for me there and I have really come to love our life here. Our family, friends, church, and home are all so wonderful and exactly what we were missing out on in Germany. Go back? NO WAY.

But as we waited for Disney’s decision, I prayed for God to give me a willing heart to follow wherever we are led. And God does answer prayers. I am reminded of a simple quote that my good friend Mandy posted on her fridge when she found out that she was unexpectedly pregnant . . “The timing is perfect” . . . and of course, whether we realize it at the moment or not, we can be sure that God’s timing is always perfect. Mandy is now wonderfully blessed with 2 precious boys close in age who are best friends and who have the sweetest, intimate conversations in their shared room at bedtime. The closer we get to our move, the more I realize that the timing is perfect, and I am coming to realize that the location will be as well. Peter’s family needs us more than ever now since his Dad has been in the hospital for nearly 2 months, and his mom needs help. Cooper will speak better German than we could ever have taught him from here. And the best thing is that I will have the career that I so desperately desire . . . that of caring for Cooper, Peter, Kayla and whoever else might arrive during our stay in Germany. I think that Peter and I can find a much better balance of work, play, and relaxing together that just isn’t a part of American life anymore. The timing is perfect.

So, you weren’t imagining it . . . I did make a small reference there to the possibility of more kids. I remember when we were in the first month with Cooper, and our friends looked and him and said that they missed having little babies. I thought they were insane! I thought, why would anyone want to subject themselves to this again!. Sure my baby was beautiful and precious and sweet. But caring for a newborn is not easy, no matter what the baby is like. It is hard! Now I am starting to understand. Cooper is now 8 months old, and looking more and more like a little boy and less and less like a baby everyday. While every day is more exciting and comes with more developments and my love for Cooper grows each day (and I keep thinking it can’t get any bigger!), I am already missing his sweet baby stages. It is like missing someone before they are even out of the door. I just can’t imagine loving him more and yet I know that tomorrow he will steal my heart in a whole new way. The way his face lights up when I arrive to pick him up from day care is enough to take away any and all headaches, heartaches, and stress that I may have had before I walked in that door. I am the highlight of his day and he is the highlight of mine in such an astonishing way.

Day Care and our First Illnesses

Well, Cooper started daycare just after Christina left on 8/23/07. I know that I am so lucky to have kept him out for the first 6 months of his life with the incredible help of Aunt April, Cousin Missy (Mimi), Ms. Daisy, and Christina, all of whom devoted much of their time and summer vacations to help us asking nothing in return. You all were such a vital part of Cooper’s growth, development, health, and overall well-being during these first 6 months. I am so indebted to you all. I knew that the introduction of daycare would be difficult and that Cooper would probably be sick for the first several months. Here we are, just over 1 month into daycare and Cooper has had 2 colds (one big, one small), constant runny and crusty nose (now referred to as daycare nose), an ear infection, and the Croup. The 2 latter of which we are just now getting over. In addition, both Peter and I had a horrible stomach virus and my prayers were answered when Cooper never got it. Last Sunday, I went to bed and could hear Cooper sighing each time he would breathe out in his sleep. I thought it really cute (Cooper is typically a very quiet sleeper) and went on to sleep. Luckily, Peter was still awake and heard him coughing lot on the baby monitor. So, Peter went into check and Cooper was having very restricted breathing. He woke me up and we called the on-call nurse. As we waited for her callback, Cooper was getting worse by the second. He was choking, gagging, coughing horrible (like a barking cough) and his little neck and chest were straining with each breath. We thought that we would be going to the emergency room for sure. The nurse called back and could hear him on the other end of the phone. She knew instantly that he had the Croup and instructed us to go into the bathroom, shut the door, turn on the shower, and get it all steamy. After about 25 minutes of this, Cooper was recovering. We made it through the night, and at the doctor’s office the next morning it was confirmed that not only did he have the Croup, but also an ear infection! Poor baby! And through it all he was still smiling! That is typical Cooper. If he cries we know something is wrong.

Dropping Cooper off at daycare those first days was so hard, and it really confirmed that there is nothing I want more than to stay home with my baby. I never imagined that I would want to be a stay home before, but I really feel like that is what I am meant to do. So, that is my next goal to find a way to do this. Might take a while, but hopefully we will be there before too long. God certainly works in interesting ways, because just as I was coming to this realization, a new possibility opened for us. Disney is considering Peter for a position that would be a major promotion which would potentially take us to London, Munich, or Madrid. While moving away wasn’t in my ideal plan, it very likely would allow me to stay home with Cooper. But home wouldn’t be where I thought it would be. On the other hand, this would undeniably be a great opportunity for Cooper to grow up with a respect for other cultures and almost guarantee that he learns other languages. For now we can only wait, and pray that God sends us where he wants us to go with willing hearts and open minds. I can’t deny that although we have had unthinkable tragedies in our lives, God has really blessed Peter and I tremendously with a perfect little boy and opportunities that I never dreamed to experience the world.

Cooper's Baptism and Tante Christina

What a full month. Peter’s sister Christina came to visit us, and it really could not have been a more perfect visit. Probably much more for us than for her. Christina is a kindergarten teacher, so she is incredible with kids and so it was only natural for her to fall right into aunt mode. I can’t even begin to describe how helpful she was, anticipating our every need and doing everything from laundry to cleaning to shoulder massages for her brother and of course, taking excellent care for Cooper. August was the month that I had to go back to work in the office full time, so she could not have come at a better time. I went to work knowing that Cooper was in the best hands. It didn’t take any time at all for Cooper to fall in love with his newly aquainted “Tante Christina” (Tante means “Aunt” in German for those of you who don’t know).

August 12, 2007 was a very special day in particular. Cooper was baptized on this day at Grace United Methodist Church in North Augusta. We had a beautiful Christening gown for him, and we waited until the last possible minute before church started to put it on him so that he would not mess it up. We were called before the church and our family was invited to come and stand with us before the congregation. Cooper did great up there in my arms despite the fact that he was due to eat at that very moment. When I handed him to Dr. Jimmy Adams and the water was sprinkled on his head, I was waiting to hear him object, but he was just as content as always. Then Dr. Adams walked Cooper up and down the aisle of the church and held him up for everyone to see. I was standing, white knuckled, in the front beside Peter both incredibly proud of his performance and petrified at the same time that white chunky spit up would come spewing out all over himself and the minister at any moment. Alas, he made it through perfectly and charmed the crowd with his sweet smile.

After 3 weeks of bliss with Christina, it was time to say goodbye. We were so sad to see her go, and there were tears all around. If Cooper was old enough to understand, he surely would have been crying as well. I can never thank Christina enough for all of the help she provided us in those two weeks and also for the great sacrifices she made to come here on her small teacher’s salary. We were honored and blessed by her presence.

Two Teeth and a Cold

We are nearing 6 months, and I can’t believe that Cooper is almost ½ a year old. It seems like everything puts me in a state of awe and disbelief when it comes to having and raising a baby. Big developments in the last weeks. Cooper now has two teeth – the bottom middle two – and he didn’t take long to become a pro at mealtime, downing an entire jar of baby food at each sitting. He gets one jar in the morning and one jar in the evening along with a bottle. Of course, it doesn’t go down without lots of silly faces, sounds, and mouth movements to encourage him to open wide. So far, he has eaten carrots, squash, and sweet potatoes – Carrots are the favorite. Cooper is also now sitting on his own. Granted, it is only in 30 second intervals before he falls in slow motion to one side or the other, or even better folds completely over to his delight to find some yummy delectable toes to suck on.

One new experience that isn’t so pleasant – our first cold. It came with a slight sniffling of the nose and a couple of sneezes, and is now a total blockage of the nostrils, more sneezing, and lots of gooey snot streaming from the nose. Cooper doesn’t care about the snot, nor the sneezes, but a blocked nasal passage is simply not conducive to sucking a bottle or paci – his two favorite pastimes. This makes for a grouchy boy and interrupts sleep for the whole house.

I know that I keep repeating it, but I really do cherish that moment just before I slip into bed, and I sneak into Cooper’s room for one last gander at that perfect sleeping boy. Every time I peek over into his crib, I get this overwhelming sense of love and amazement. He is just a wonderful little boy, and I am so lucky to be his mommy.

Flying Solo

Cooper just past his 5 month mark! I can’t believe how quickly time flies by. He will be a year old before we know it. Cooper gains more and more strength every week. Still not sitting on his own, but it won’t be long. He laughs more, smiles more, and twists his body in every direction possible during diaper changes. I swear, it is like he can spin at the waist! Upper body in one direction and lower body in the other, with legs moving in even more directions. Cooper can also stand on the floor while we hold just his hands, and we are trying to prod him to make steps.

Peter left to go to London for 2 weeks, and he was really bummed about going. He said that Cooper changes every week and he knew he would miss something. Sure enough, the day after Peter left, Cooper starting cutting his first tooth. He didn’t seem to mind at first, and I was just amazed. I kept washing my hands and rubbing my fingers on his gums, I was so excited. Then a couple days later he got his 4 month shots, and with the pain of teething plus the pain of shots we endured fevers and long screaming bouts which weren’t much fun. I wished that Peter were there for support, knowing that even if he was there I would want to be the one to soothe Cooper anyhow. Two weeks alone with Cooper really made me manage my time wisely, and we sure were happy when Daddy came back!

Now we are working on eating with a spoon. It will take some practice, but we’ll get there. Cooper wears as much as he eats and I used more Shout spray and detergent in the last 2 months than I have in all my 30 years!

Peter and I tend to be sarcastic people, making jokes and teasing about losing sleep and time. But at the end of the day, we can both admit that watching Cooper is just incredible. He is an amazing part of our lives, and nothing is more rewarding or fulfilling than watching him develop and grow. The very last thing I do every night before I get in the bed to go to sleep is tip toe into Cooper’s room, look at him, and listen to him breathe. It is the most peaceful thing in the world, and soothes me in a way that nothing ever has before. I am so blessed.

Peter and Cooper - Daddy Returns!

Happy Father's Day

Peter’s first Father’s Day – and I hope that he wasn’t disappointed. I wanted him to feel as special on Father’s Day as I did on Mother’s Day. He got two cards – one from me and one from Coopi, and Coopi and I also made a stepping stone for the garden with his hand and foot prints in it. I also found a silver frame especially for dads, and framed a picture of Peter when he is first holding Cooper in the hospital. It is an incredible picture, and happens to be the first one that we have gotten around to framing. Then when we came home from Church, a chiminea was waiting outside for Peter.

The Dr. appointment turned out totally fine. The pediatrician felt that maybe he had a little congestion around his ears from the reflux and that perhaps that would have an effect on his hearing. A follow-up with the ear, nose and throat doctor who performed another hearing test showed that Cooper’s hearing is excellent, and that we simply have a laid-back baby. I won’t complain about that!

It seems like Cooper has made so many new developments in the past few weeks. He can now roll in every direction, back to front, front to back, side to side, etc. He can sit supported, and we are working on trying to get him sitting without help (that will probably take another month). He is also standing in our lap. The other day, I think he discovered his tongue, because that was the first time that I ever saw him stick it out. He just kept sticking it out and rubbing it over his bottom lip. He now recognizes toys, and actually shows favoritism towards a couple of toys (a zebra with long legs and brightly colored, textured rings). He reaches out to grab them and will hold them willingly and suck on them. He is smiling more than ever and is starting to really like to play. Best development of all – the first little laughs. They aren’t all out belly roars, but just a subtle giggle. I can’t decide what my favorite sound in the world is – his new little giggle or the sound of his heavy breathing in my ear when he falls asleep on my shoulder. Peter and I have really created something special here, and we are continuously baffled at how the two of us could have made something so perfect in every way!

I guess I’m supposed to be an adult

Today is the day – the big 3-0! It seems so weird. It is definitely an adult age; I can’t claim that I am in my youth and the 20’s are a thing of the past. I rang in my new decade with a bad back (which completely went out on me a few weeks ago –OUCH!) and a raging case of Carpal Tunnel. I think that means that this body is no longer a spring chicken. My close friend Kelly and I complain about having to act like “adults” which we both feel like we will never truly be. Peter threw me a wonderful, and completely unexpected, surprise party with many of my closest friends and family.

The Coopster is just wonderful as always. 16 weeks have brought new developments which include more squealing and holding toys (although not yet realizing that he can just reach out and grab them). We can put them in his hands for him to hold, but he hasn’t yet comprehended that he is actually holding a foreign object. It is just something to suck on until he drops it, and then he is just as content with his hands. In fact, he loves those fingers so much sometimes that he actually gags himself with them. Does that stop him? Not a chance. He is also rolling from side to side, and can go from tummy to back. He isn’t interested in being on his tummy so we don’t anticipate rolling in the opposite direction anytime soon. He is still sleeping great, from 7:30 pm to 6:00 am, but still needs that pacifier put back in at 4:00 am like clockwork. He drinks 5 oz. of formula with oatmeal cereal added to make almost 7 oz., and this goes down in less than 5 minutes most times. Peter and I always describe our family as “Eaters” and Cooper fits the mold. We just moved up to size 2 diapers this week, and Cooper grows out of onesies like they are going out of style.

We do have a new concern, though. Peter and I are both concerned about Cooper’s hearing. Either we have just a really laid-back, relaxed baby or we have a hard of hearing baby. Cooper doesn’t startle at loud noises, and doesn’t turn towards people talking (especially us) the way we think a 4 month old should. Often times he doesn’t turn in our direction until we get his attention visually. So, Peter will take him to his Dr. appointment tomorrow and hopefully our fears will be relieved. Are we hypochondriacs? Nah, just completely obsessed with our son.

How is this for obsessed? I can’t stop smelling his dirty laundry. No, not the really soiled stuff or the sour milk stains. Just the clothes and towels that have been used on him that just smell like him. It’s like the infatuation a girl has for a new boyfriend. Didn’t you just love having a t-shirt of your new love and just taking in the smell of “him”? That stage of infatuation was just all consuming back then. And now I can’t get enough of Cooper’s onesies and bath towels that smell like “him”. I just want to breathe them in, in, in and never breathe out. I am in total love and infatuation with my sweet baby boy. And it is sweet to reflect back on those moments of infatuation that I had for Peter. Unfortunately, Peter’s T-shirts don’t seem to smell so sweet anymore!

My First Mother's Day

Well, we have officially passed the three month mark. My cousin and main source of advice on child rearing has told me several times that everything just gets easier after three months. That certainly seems to be the magic mark, because here we are and Cooper is an absolute delight and everything seems so much easier. Cooper is so much more content to sit in his bouncy seat or lay in his crib. He is noticing things and gets very excited watching his mobile in his crib, or the dangling bugs on his car seat. But the most entertaining commodity seems to be ceiling fans! He can watch a ceiling fan and squeal in delight, and it never seems to lose its appeal to him. He is cooing more, and we can sometimes carry on little “conversations”. He loves to get his arms and legs pumping, which makes diaper changing practically a sporting event.

Cooper loves bath time. I was bathing him in his baby bathtub in the kitchen sink, but now that he has more control of those arms and legs, we have had to move into the guest bathtub because all the splashing was starting to make a huge mess and mommy would end up totally drenched from the chest down. Of course, I love bath time because sleep comes super easy after a bath, lotion, clean diaper, and a bottle. He can’t even stay awake to read a book! Plus, he smells delicious and I could sit and rock and inhale those sweet scents forever.

Peter has been working on the webcam, so that should be up soon. We have decided to only put it over his crib, so that we can check on him while sleeping to make sure he is OK. Also, this might decrease the possibility of Cooper’s mommy or daddy showing up on the internet without adequate clothing.

The Laryngomalacia and reflux are getting better. Cooper’s medicines are adjusted as he gains weight. One major side effect of the meds was constipation, which we have been dealing with for the last month. Finally the pediatrician suggested switching the rice cereal to oatmeal, and that has made a world of difference. Watch out world, here comes the big messy poopies!

Cooper is sleeping great!!!! We are so thankful for that. He goes down between 7:30 and 8:30 most nights. He will sometimes stir around 4:00, but a quick placement of the pacifier, putting him back on his side and pulling the cover back up does the trick with no fuss. Then he is usually ready to wake up and eat at 6:00. We certainly can’t complain at 10 ½ hours.

Now, for the highlight of the month – Mother’s Day. I didn’t expect much going into Mother’s Day. After all, Cooper doesn’t have a clue yet and I’ve never been on the receiving end of Mother’s Day before. Peter had already bought me some pool lounge chairs a couple of weeks prior, so I was pleasantly surprised when I went downstairs and found some flowers and cards for me (one from Peter and one from Cooper). Then we were off to church, and all the mothers at church were presented with a carnation and there was just something about Sunday School and the church service that made me feel so special. I finally understood what Mother’s Day is really about, and I have to say that I might even prefer Mother’s Day over my birthday. A birthday is something that everyone has, and doesn’t celebrate any great accomplishment. But Mother’s Day celebrates a role, a job, and recognizes all the sacrifices that a mother makes. Truth be told, once you are a mother, there isn’t much that you do solely for yourself. I feel like everything I do is driven by this force within me that wants to accommodate Cooper, make him happy, comfortable, and safe. It doesn’t feel like a sacrifice most of the time; in fact, there is nothing that I would rather do more. There was also a special feeling of camaraderie with all the other mothers that I know. We know that our husbands and children don’t really understand our role and everything we do, but the other mothers do. I felt a welcoming into this “club” and a huge sense of pride being a mom.

Nicole Johnson is an author and speaker at Women of Faith conferences. There are two performances that I have seen on video now in our Sunday School class. One is called “Motherhood” and the other is called “The Invisible Woman”. Both of these really touched me in a way that only a mother can understand. The first one, Motherhood, talks about how difficult it can be caring for an infant. How you can be home all day and get absolutely nothing done, the house is still a mess, the laundry is piling up, you haven’t sat down all day, and then your husband asks, “What have you been doing all day?”. You talk to other moms about the challenges, and many experienced moms say, “It’s hard, but it’s worth it!” in an all too chipper and light hearted tone, and you want to strangle them for being so darn pleasant! But, even now, when I listen to new moms and hear the same challenges that I have already faced and am still facing, the only thing that comes to mind to tell them is, “It’s hard, but it’s worth it.” And that is the simple truth, understated though it may be.

The other story of The Invisible Woman has a subtitle “When Only God Sees”. It describes a woman who feels invisible, and I could completely relate. I often joke with Peter about how his underwear “magically appears” in his drawers again all clean. The dishes all magically get washed and placed back in the cabinets. Somehow there is always a plan for dinner, all the ingredients seem to show up in the pantry, and a warm meal comes out of thin air and lands on the table. No one sees all of the things that I do for Cooper. For some reason, I have to make sure that all of the clothes are faced the same way in Cooper’s closets, and all of his onesies are folded in the same way. The diapers are neatly lined up in the drawer and his sheets and changing table are always clean. Cooper is carefully bathed and no fold or crease in the skin is left soiled. I do feel invisible. In fact, often times when I speak to Peter, he doesn’t even respond. I must be invisible! When Cooper gets older, he won’t even begin to realize everything I do for him. I hope to create wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions in our house, that will probably involve hours of preparation, waking up every few hours to baste a turkey, making sure the house is clean, and ensuring that each person’s favorite item is perfectly prepared whether it is potatoes, macaroni and cheese, a special cake or dessert - it will all be represented. No one will know all the trouble I have gone to, but God does see and He will always know. Like Nicole Johnson states, I don’t need my family to tell me that they are glad that I made the turkey, potatoes, macaroni and cheese, their favorite cake, put clean sheets on the bed, vacuumed the house, ironed the table cloth, polished the crystal, blah, blah, blah. I just want them to want to be there, and believe that there is no better place on Earth that they would rather be. For Cooper to invite a friend, and say, “You are going to love it at my house.”

Missing Mom and Pondering Motherhood

A baby definitely puts a new twist on a marriage. Especially for two people that have been alone together for over 8 years. I just can't seem to loosen up, and I am definitely not the same person I was before baby. I don't know how this couldn't change a person. It is just such a huge, overwhelming responsibility. This isn't a house plant, or even a dog. This is a human being, and I can't help but feel that every single encounter I have with him is going to shape who he is going to be and also his perception of me.

In the middle of all the stress and chaos is an amazing little boy. A beautiful mixture of myself and Peter, who is so innocent and untainted by the world. It sounds so cliché, but he is so pure. From the moment he was born and he cried when he came out, he was instantly soothed the second he was placed in my arms. It has been that way ever since. No matter what is going on, he is just happy to be in my arms. He looks at me and Peter and smiles and just thinks that we are the most important, greatest things in the world. I want for him to learn important things like love, giving, kindness, comfort, friendship and family from me. And it is heartbreaking to know that he will also at some point learn disappointment, anger, and hurt from me. I will disappoint him countless times in his life.

Sitting in church this past Sunday, I suddenly understood a tiny bit what my mom must have felt towards the end of her life. I want Cooper and Peter to want and need me so badly. I like to think that they wouldn't function or survive without me, but I know that is simply not the case. How horrible it must be not only to feel that your children and husband don't need you anymore, but even worse, that their lives would be better without you. I'll never understand exactly why my mom did what she did. When it all happened I couldn't understand why she didn't love me enough to stay. Why she didn't think that seeing her grandchildren would be reason enough to endure all the hardships. I still feel that way, but now I also know that I would be willing to die if it meant that Cooper's life would be better.

Dude, what a downer of a blog!

Laryno-ma-what?

We are now at 9 weeks. Have I said that time flies? What did we ever do in our spare time? Peter’s parents left yesterday, and now we have word that Peter’s sister Christina might be able to come in August. Let’s keep our fingers crossed cause we would love for her to see her little nephew while he is still little. I know that every parent says this, but Cooper seems to grow and change by the day. He has totally lost the newborn look, and looks like an infant now. We had a second x-ray last week, which showed that he is, indeed, aspirating. We are now thickening his formula, and are just starting to get a few extra hours of sleep at night. Last night he ate at 6:00 pm, went to bed at 7:20, and we didn’t hear a peep until between 1 and 2 am. Then he ate again at 5:30. It is now 8:30 and I think I hear him right now waking up. Not a bad night! But back to the x-ray. We now are being referred to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor because it is suspected that Cooper has Laryngomalacia. Basically he has a weak or floppy epiglottis, and so his trachea doesn’t get blocked off properly while he is eating and the airways themselves are kind of loose and floppy as well so they collapse in as he breathes in. Kind of scary, but Cooper is a trooper, and he is just as delightful as ever!

A Visit from Opa and Oma Claus

Our little man has made it to 2 months, and we are all still alive. We found out that the throw-up episode in the aforementioned blog (which came out of the mouth and the nose with great force) would soon be followed with many more similar episodes along with scary moments where Cooper would have difficulties breathing (typically during and just after eating) and even stop breathing for a few seconds at a time. Thoughts of allergies, asthma (since it is full force pollen season), and what would happen if he were allergic to Kayla (our first four-legged child) were racing through our heads. When described to the Pediatrician, she suspected reflux. An x-ray proved her correct and confirmed that our dude has severe reflux. Who knew that it takes 4 adults to hold down one tiny baby under an x-ray camera. So, Cooper gets his first medicine for his severe reflux. We’ve seen a small amount of improvement, but he is still having a lot of the same problems. Another x-ray on Tuesday of this coming week will show if he is aspirating into his lungs.

Other developments this month are increased support of his head which means that he can hold his head up in the car. This is, of course, thanks to the exercises that his mommy does with him everyday. And the best development of all, his first true smiles. The first ones occurred at about 6 ½ weeks. I had been trying for already a couple of weeks to get a smile out of him, and one morning just after a 6 AM feeding, he just cracked one on me and I just melted. I didn’t see another smile at me for about a week later, but he did give his dad a few grins in the meantime. Now at 8 weeks, we can typically get a few smiles a day at times when he is in a good mood. It’s a beautiful thing!

But the major updates are that Cooper’s Opa Wolfram and Oma Inge are here from Germany. They got their first look at Cooper after a long plane ride and it was a joy watching them hold their grandson for the first time. They have been here for 1 week so far and still will be here for another week. Cooper has graced them with several smiles this week in exchange for songs sung by Inge and some educational words from Wolfram. Oma and Opa brought lots of goodies, including some kisses and hugs from Peter’s sister, Christina, and Cooper’s first Lederhosen. Danke schoen!

A Hungry Man

Well, we have now managed to keep this guy alive for well over a month. I can’t believe how fast time is flying. We were forced to begin supplementing with formula since I was not producing quite enough food for Cooper on my own. After 3 ½ weeks, he let us know that he was just plain hungry. So, after exhausting all efforts and given the fact that our little man had only gained a few ounces since we left the hospital and was still nowhere near his birth weight, we knew it was time. I felt so guilty at the time and also felt some sort of failure. But our last doctor’s visit this week proved that we had made the right decision. Cooper weighed in at 8 lbs. 4 oz., an entire pound gain from last week. VICTORY! Now we are on to other stressors like finding some good childcare (such a depressing quest) and learning how to deal with our first major throw-up episode, which just so happened to occur in the car on the way to visit our first child care possibility. Way to go, Coop! You really know how to keep your mommy and papa on our toes! Not a moment’s rest around here, and I am learning to move at double the pace and master incredibly complex tasks one handed.

Top Ten List for Parents of a Newborn

We are now 3 weeks into parenthood, and finally finding a few moments to start our blog. This has been such a rollercoaster ride already, so I can’t imagine what the next years will be like. Where to start? I guess it would have to be the incredible moment of seeing, hearing, and holding your child for the first time . . . truly the most emotional moment of my life. After about 21 hours of labor, Cooper Joseph Claus entered the world and let us know that he was here with a hearty cry. Then immediately was quiet when he was placed in my arms. He knew me already! At 7 lbs. 13 oz., he proved us all wrong in thinking that we would have nothing less than a mammoth boy, and all fears of having an ugly baby and anything less than perfect were relieved. He is so beautiful and it is hard to believe that something so tiny can come from Peter and me. Bringing him home was quite terrifying, and I couldn’t help but say to Peter as we drove away from the hospital, “I can’t believe they let us leave with this thing. Don’t they know we have no idea what we are doing?” At 1 week, I proclaimed, “We’ve kept this guy alive for 7 whole days!” After 3 weeks, we are still trying to get the hang of breastfeeding, getting up at night, and constantly checking to make sure that our little guy is still breathing. Cooper has a way of wrinkling his forehead that makes him look like a wise old man, and I can’t help but think sometimes that he somehow knows that we have no idea what we are doing. But we do figure these things out, and he helps us out by being a really easy-going baby. Sleeps great (we wake him up in the night for feedings), cries only when he is hungry or wants to be held, and is easy to soothe.

What have I learned so far?

Amy’s top 10:
1. The boob solves just about anything, and if that doesn’t work, Mylicon and a warm blanket will likely do the trick.
2. The signature mommy move is the bounce. A baby just doesn’t like to be still.
3. Always be on guard when removing a little boy’s diaper. That fountain just always seems to find a way to squirt out!
4. Nothing is more delicious than the smell of a freshly bathed baby.
5. Nursing is the most rewarding and most stressful thing at the same time.
6. There’s no such thing as “sleep when the baby is sleeping.”
7. There is no room for modesty anymore when you have a newborn.
8. I love my husband dearly no matter what I may say, do, or think in this sleep deprived state! (And hopefully Peter has learned not to take anything from me personally right now!)
9. No one knows what a new mom needs and how to help more than another mother. (Brenda and Melissa, you are invaluable, and I couldn’t survive without you!)
10. I have the cutest baby in the world!