Cooper at the Clinic

Last week was our first week at a special diagnostic clinic in Vogtareuth, Germany (close to Rosenheim). This isn't the autism clinic in Munich that Cooper will go to this summer, but another one that is required to obtain admission to an integrative kindergarten for the fall. The overall assessment at this clinic lasts 12 business days. So, we have the rest of this week and half of next week to go.

On our first day we met with a doctor whom Peter and I really liked. She spent over an hour talking to us, asking us questions, and watching Cooper play the whole time while we talked. After seeing Cooper's pediatrician many times, his two regular therapists each week, and a geneticist, it was interesting that this doctor asked us a lot of questions that no one has ever asked before. It just shows us that she is interested in Cooper and is willing to consider every avenue that might lead to some answers. Also on day 1 Cooper underwent an EEG. This is a non-invasive procedure that measures brain activity and is similar to an ECG but instead the electrodes are placed on the head in lots of spots. Cooper had to put on a funny net-like hat and then they attached wires to all of the electrodes. It looked kind of funny and scary at the same time. The plan was that Cooper would spend about 20 minutes awake laying still while they took some awake measurements, and then they would give him a sedative to send him into dreamland and take additional sleeping measurements. However, Cooper had woken up at 5 am that morning and so he fell asleep all on his own within about 5 minutes of laying still. It was actually a blessing that he didn't have to take meds to get to sleep, but we will have to redo the awake portion next week.

Here is a picture of Cooper with his funny "hat" on for the EEG:

Yawning already.

The rest of the days at the clinic have been filled with various therapy appointments. On average he gets about 4 hours of therapy per day ranging from speech, fine motor, gross motor/physical therapy, and observed play. While the therapy sessions are fun for Cooper and much like directed play, they are exhausting for him nonetheless. He is forced to try to focus and concentrate much more than on any typical day and so towards the end of the first week, I could tell it was all getting overwhelming for him. He had lots of crying fits for apparently no reason. He would scream when I could buckle him into his car seat, and this is a kid who is happy to go anywhere and loves riding in the car. He would wail and cry through dinner and at home he would alternate between getting into stuff that he shouldn't (such as the huge bottle of liquid laundry detergent) and just having meltdowns over nothing, and just being overall uncooperative. I guess having to do what other people want him to do all day results in a little boy who just wants to do what he wants at the end of the day. Between the long drives to and from the clinic each day, talking much more German everyday than I am used to, dealing with Cooper's emotional waves, and accommodating an ever growing belly and the weight and jabs and kicks that comes with it, it has been an overwhelming week for me as well.

Please pray for all of us to endure another week and for wisdom for the doctors and therapists working with Cooper. At the end we will have a meeting with the therapists and doctor again to discuss the results and see if they have any new diagnosis or treatment ideas. Ultimately, the goal with this to start with was just to fulfill the requirements for integrative kindergarten and anything more that we get out of it is just a bonus.

Snow Day 2

On Sunday we had a really beautiful day here in Bavaria. The sun was shining, the skies were blue, and we knew that there would only a few more opportunities to enjoy the snow. And after our stressful week, we felt that it would be fun to head outside for some fresh air and fun in the snow. Again, Cooper enjoyed sledding with our neighbors. And the bigger boys enjoyed jumping on the snow ramp in their sleds.

Here are the photos from our wonderful morning.

Lent

Yesterday I broached the subject of Lent to Peter. Note to self: Grumpy Husband = Bad Timing to Bring Up Sacrificial Offerings to the Lord. Typically, we choose something food related to give up for Lent. However, Peter has been super stressed, and he (like I) finds solace and joy in comfort foods. Therefore, this morning I brought Lent up again and suggested an alternative in that our sacrifices for Lent would be more along the actions side of life. Funny enough, I could think of all kinds of things that Peter could do/stop doing for Lent, however I was just stumped on what I could possibly change about myself. Peter didn't have a problem coming up with a few suggestions. Thus we each picked something for the other person to do/stop doing for Lent.

I won't reveal Peter's plan for Lent. Not that it is anything bad or private, but that is his offering of sacrifice. As for me, the hubs challenged me to give up sarcasm for Lent. What? No sarcasm? How am I supposed to do that? That is like telling me not to be skinny. Oh wait, I'm not skinny. OK, that is like telling me to no longer be drop dead gorgeous. Oh yeah, I'm not that either. Well, it's like telling me not to be tall. Sarcasm is a part of me. But apparently, Peter doesn't find it as enjoyable as I do. I can't imagine why.

No sarcasm for me means a lot of things. It means that when Peter in his underwear and black socks and he lets out a fart or burp, I can't look at him and say "Honey, I have never been more attracted to you than I am right this very moment." It also means that when I am huffing and puffing from carrying laundry up and down the stairs, I can't look over at Peter and say something like "No no, dear, don't get up. I don't want you to lift a finger." Or when Peter has food on his face I can't ask him if he is saving a snack for later. Honestly, I can't figure out why Peter would ask me to give up sarcasm for Lent. My quips are a delight and never, oh no never, hurtful.

Most of all, no sarcasm means that I actually have to think before I speak. Well, that is certainly a challenge.

As a punishment for breaking his Lent vow, Peter promised that he would get up with Cooper and make him breakfast. (By the way, Cooper has now decided that 5:00 is a good time to wake up in the mornings, so this is serious.) I, in turn, promised that should I let a sarcastic comment slip between these succulent lips, I would get up with Cooper and make him breakfast. Peter felt that was a sarcastic comment.

I still want to give up a food item for Lent, since that just feels right to me. I keep contemplating chocolate, but if I choose that it means that I will have to consume every morsel of chocolate in the house first. And believe me, from ice cream, pudding, cookies, and an assortment of straight up chocolate (Toblerone, Milka, Hershey . . . my precious) we are loaded with such an array that, while I have no doubt in my abilities to successfully consume it all in any given day, I might never recover from the results. Such damage couldn't be reversed from 10 years of chocolate abstinence. Clearly, self-control isn't my strong suit.

I also plan to step up my prayer time for Lent. This is an area that could use huge improvement and deserves much more attention than I have been giving.

So, it is officially on for Lent. As of this moment, I am done with sarcasm till April. I will miss you, old friend.

What are you giving up or doing different for Lent?

A Letter to My Valentine

One of the great things about being married is that I always have a Valentine. Unfortunately, I don't have any great gift for my Valentine or a scavenger hunt with poems for our last 10 years together like I did last year. I don't even have a card for my wonderful husband. Pregnancy, housework, jumping through hoops to get Cooper into an integrative kindergarten, and my own laziness have gotten in the way of my romantic creativity. And believe me, Peter has never deserved my love and adoration more.

All I have to offer today for my love is to dig up an excerpt from an old e-mail that I wrote to him in August of 2008. While I think that Peter and I share a great marriage, there are times in any marriage where you just feel out of sync and not at all on the same page. I tend to overthink everything and my expectations tend to spoil things for the both of us. And very much like my mother, I often have sleepless nights when my head is racing with a million thoughts. On this particular night, I was reminded of what our marriage really boiled down to (the ugly and the beautiful), and this is what I shared with my Valentine about a year and a half ago.

What is our marriage? It is having a best friend to share every experience. Knowing that however far apart we seem from one another at any moment, I am never alone. It is seeing you for the first time at the boathouse - the most breath taking handsome man I had ever seen in person. It is clinging to each other blinded by tears as you almost lost your mom and I lost mine. You pulling me aside in a Boston stairwell for our first kiss. You charming my Granny Howell, and her calling you "a hunk". My short, agitated, often hurtful tone just because we aren't on schedule or because I can't find the car keys. Watching your giant hands and arms cradle our tiny newborn son, and a smile on your face I will forever carry in a special place in my heart. Saving voice messages and leaving things around the house just as you left them when you go away on a trip, just in case those are the last indicators that I would have if you didn't make it back safely to me. The missing feeling I have when we have had to be apart, as if I were missing a part of my own flesh and bone. Moments laying together in bed, staring out the window at a blue sky and dreaming about what our life together will hold . . . and other times laying in bed together talking for hours fumbling to put feelings into words to find our way back to one another. The hurt look in your eyes when I step in to take over in moments when you want to be a daddy and to be the one to take care of Cooper. Being carried on your back all the way down a stunningly beautiful snowy mountain in the moonlight with a sprained ankle (one of the most romantic moments of my life). You going to work each day so that I can just be a wife and mom, and the little excited flutter in my stomach when I hear the car door and know that you are home. My mother reading scripture from Ruth at our wedding and her peaceful radiance on that day knowing that she was handing her daughter off to the right man. A thousand memories and moments that remind me that "for better or for worse" (and there are a lot more "for worse" moments than you bargained for) there is no one else that I would want to spend my life with.

Most days I feel like someone other than myself, someone who is much more bitter and hardened than I want to be. And most days that is the person whose voice and actions take over. But you should know that the giddy, love struck, care-free girl that you met nearly 10 years ago is still the same inside. Don't ever let her go. While the disappointments and heartaches of this earthly life have hardened her and made her almost unrecognizable, it is these same disappointments and heartaches that eventually (with time) help us to appreciate our blessings and make us who we are meant to be. I know for certain that if I lost you today, I would be overcome with regret that I didn't appreciate the blessing of your love as the precious treasure from God that it really is.

There is only one explanation for a devastatingly handsome German boy to meet and fall in love with a sensitive, silly, southern girl in smalltown, Georgia. God has an incredible plan for us and His blessings are far beyond what we deserve. My prayer tonight is that He will continue to bless our marriage, and that he will chisel away the hardened barriers that I put up; that he will break me and humble me so that I am blinded by the glorious gifts that He has given to me. I also pray that He will help me to accept the things that I can't control and the things that don't go my way and replace resentment and anger with grace, forgiveness, and love. Finally, I pray that he will continue to lead us in the directions that He chooses for us, and that he will reveal more opportunities to draw closer to one another.

I know that I am not easy to deal with, but I thank you for bearing with me and for loving me when I am impossible to love. You are mine and Cooper's (and Kayla's) hero. I love you immensely.

Placenta Brain

There is a common side effect to pregnancy, which is absentmindedness. This has been a strange symptom for me that I have had both during this pregnancy and also when I was pregnant with Cooper. This morning is an example of a typical dumb thing that I am prone to do on any given day.

As I started preparing toast for Cooper this morning, I did what any normal person would do . . . opened the CD player on the counter, took out the CD (Melissa Etheridge if you were wondering) and put in a piece of whole grain toast.

Brilliant, Amy.

Snow Much Fun

I know I promised snow pictures last week, but my procrastination knows no boundaries regardless of how adorable Cooper is and how much I can't wait to share our photos. I have never claimed to be an overachiever, and I don't intend to start that anytime soon or you all will have "expectations" of me and that's just not good.

So, here they are. They are mostly from here around our house but also a few of Cooper this past weekend on skis for the first time. It went well, until it didn't. We were all good for about 10 minutes or so and even got a video of Cooper going down a very small incline all by himself. And while I would love to share that with you, that is a technological level that I am just not up to yet and attempting might result in me overexerting myself and I try never to do that. It is 20 seconds of pure delight, I assure you. And after that, there was much crying and wailing and snot, all indicators that Cooper is done with skiing for this winter. But what can you expect from a not quite 3 year old.

You would probably prefer that I shut up and get on with the pics. Alrighty then:

Fasching 2010

Can you stand it? Can you handle the cuteness? This is Cooper today on his way to Preschool all dressed up for Fasching which is a German holiday. In English it would be called Carnival and all the kids dress up. Cooper is a biker dude. And this tough guy loves any excuse to wear sunglasses. I realize that the earrings on each ear are a bit much, but he kept pulling them off as soon as I would put them on, and so I doubled up hoping that one would make it unnoticed for the day. Didn't happen, but my goodness. That is some cuteness right there.

Here's the tough dude again with Opa.